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A Fisking
Posted by Stephen Green · 8 January 2006
You know what the worst thing is in modern Germany? You might be tempted to say "bad leadership" or "the birth dearth" or "their broken welfare system" or "neo-Nazis – I hate those guys." But you'd be wrong. The worst thing in Germany today is Swedish furniture stores with low-cost diners. Or at least that's what Der Spiegel's Gerald Drissner would have you think: Every day, at 8.50 am, Bodo Scheel gets into his Nissan car, his stomach rumbling with hunger, and drives 11.3 kilometers down the A7 highway near Hamburg. He turns off at junction 23 to reach his destination: the Ikea furniture store. The 67-year-old pensioner has been coming to the restaurant in Ikea for breakfast for years now. The deal is unbeatable: For €1.50 he gets two bread rolls, butter, cold cuts and cheese, jam and even smoked salmon. As much coffee as he can drink is also thrown in. "You can take the bread rolls home and they are still okay to eat three days later with a tin of tuna," Scheel, who used to work as a judicial officer, says. "Tastes great." Ach! Der horror! Tasty food at a reasonable price! Retirees enjoying smoked salmon for under two dollars! But it's worse than you think. Scheel isn't alone - there are hordes of Germans just like him: The pensioner and his wife are not the only ones who have turned going to the furniture shop into a daily ritual. In the western German cities of Cologne and Bielefeld there are even specially organized breakfast clubs. From Munich in the south to Kiel in the north, Ikea is increasingly turning into a welfare center for pensioners, young moms, low-earners and the unemployed. Let me get this straight. IKEA is selling food to people who enjoy it – and that's "welfare?" But let's give Drissner a break on that point. As someone from a country which once wrote "Arbeit Macht Frei" over the gates to concentration camps, he might be a little confused about the nature of government programs. Or maybe Drissner knows exactly what he means: Many low-earners prefer eating in the familiar atmosphere of this temple to consumption to standing in line at the soup kitchen. Indeed, the stigma of poverty is hidden behind the company's cheep and cheerful designs. Imagine that. Those lowly lumpenproles don't know what's good for them. Somebody needs to tell them that the fake cheer of a well-appointed retail outlet is nothing compared to the real joy of a government soup kitchen. Of course, the last time millions of Germans stood in soup lines, they ended up voting for Hitler. But surely voting National Socialist isn't as bad as dreams of upward-mobility: What started out as an extra service to improve customer loyalty, has developed a life of its own, separate from the shaky wooden furniture and fold-out sofas. Many people feel that they belong when they mingle among well-off customers -- even if all they can afford is a hot dog. Ever gone window-shopping at Neiman-Marcus? Yeah, me too. Beats the soup kitchen, don't it? Then again, we're Americans and don't always know where we "belong" and with whom we should be allowed to "mingle." So far, we've seen that Drissner is a socialist – concerned with the poor so long as they mind their place. But it seems he's also a nationalist: In 2004 the Swedish company, with its 37 restaurants, managed to reach 11th place in the list of the best-earning eateries in Germany. That put it well ahead of the café stores like Tchibo and the giant bakery chain Kamps, which has 1,000 branches. In Germany, one out of every 20 euros spent at IKEA is doled out for the company's cheap menu meals, comprising a total of €141 million last year alone. That's right – those nasty Swedes are stealing money from Germany, by luring the untermenschen out of their soup kitchens. Next thing you know, those damnable Swedes will be feeding Swedish pickled herring to people of good German stock, instead of potato soup. Yes, it seems Drissner is a nationalist and a socialist. Today IKEA, tomorrow der Fussgangerzone! Now I'm snipping 300 words because they're nothing more than actual reporting about IKEA's prices and menu items and quotes from people who like good food at good prices. The horror. From there, things get worse. Not only is IKEA abusing the German peasantry, the peasants are abusing IKEA right back: More than food-scroungers, though, IKEA workers fear lazy parents. Around 150 three- to 10-year-olds are deposited daily at the Hamburg-Schnelsen store's play area -- a complimentary offer to allow mom and dad to wander in peace through the showrooms. But many people misuse the service as a free babysitting service. Sometimes moms just set their loved ones down among the colorful balls, with the nursery girl watching -- and hurries to the hairstylist or the tennis court. The desperate store announcements asking the mother to please pick up her screeching child then go unheeded. Well, maybe IKEA is providing welfare after all. Perhaps they should move to a workfare solution – parents can drop off the kids for up to two years, so long as they do eight hours of stock work each day. So little kids don't starve during these marathon tours, IKEA also offers free Alete baby food. The offer has caught on: Cheapskates collect the 190-gram bottles like batteries and stockpile them up at home -- around 1,500 a month go missing from the Schnelsen store alone. But the company is catching on to people who abuse its complimentary services and cashiers have a new trick: they twist the lids of the jars at the register. And with that, Drissner's article peters out. I don't know what exactly he's getting at, but I can tell you one thing: If IKEA can get hordes of unemployable Germans to muster at dawn, it will be a long time before we see one of those stores in downtown Paris or Warsaw. Comments
Nearly...a lute-fisking. Welcome to my world. I'm counting the days until I can leave. Posted by: Wrenchbender at January 9, 2006 05:56 AMI love how Ikea threatens the ueberclass, here and abroad. Me, I just love Ikea. Posted by: William Young at January 9, 2006 06:34 AMThe condo I bought has an Ikea kitchen. I love it. Why are you so supprised Stephen? Socialists HATE CAPITALISM!! They HATE the fact that a poor "pensionieer" can actually afford his own breakfast. The Tragedy! Dear God... its almost like Germany has something like... *gasp*... Walmart on its hands... *shudder*. Who knows what will happen next... Ikea changing oil in cars? It scares me just thinking about it. Posted by: Nick at January 9, 2006 07:43 AMIsn't Sweden supposed to be the most successful European country w/the best socialist model? What's the beef? Good subsidized food and daycare. Unless they have something against the Swedes....... You'll be checking out the kids' meals there 1 day, Stephen. We finally went Sat night to the new store close to our home. Needed a bookshelf for the kid. I'm not an IKEA person, and we were telling the kid while we were looking at the 576 sf. abode, this is how a lot of people in Europe live. But they do have premade gingerbread pastry dough and tasty Ginger crisps from Canuckistan. For some reason, the multi-purpose kitchen table w/the vise at the end didn't sell well and was marked down. Posted by: Sandy P at January 9, 2006 08:03 AMStephen: Nice job. Thanks. Nick and Aaron: You got it right: next up, IKEA versus Walmart in a no-holds-barred Capitalist Cagematch. Old Europe looks on in horror. (Although Walmart's initial attempts to expand in some parts of Europe didn't do so well.) Seriously, though, isn't it time for the US to admit that out attempt to bring democracy to Europe has failed and pull out our troops? These people don't have a clue. Call your Congressman: US troops out of Europe! Posted by: kevino at January 9, 2006 08:13 AM" But let's give Drissner a break on that point. As someone from a country which once wrote "Arbeit Macht Frei" over the gates to concentration camps, he might be a little confused about the nature of government programs." Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark. Posted by: Tim P at January 9, 2006 08:34 AMMmmmmm. Meatballs. Posted by: tigg at January 9, 2006 08:50 AMGotta love BDS in other forms - now: "CDS" Capitalism Derangement Syndrome. I hope this guy does an article on bunny rabbits in the springtime next! Evil bunnies, consuming all the clover.... Posted by: Mike at January 9, 2006 09:25 AMDitching the kids in the play area and leaving the store is terrible. Our kids loved playing there, but we always had to pick them up at the appointed time...2 or 3 hours was the store's limit. And they didn't accept kids under 3 or 4 years old. I'm just annoyed that there's no Ikea in Florida. We moved away from a state that now has 2 Ikea stores. How am I supposed to get my disposable furniture now?! It's so unfair; I want Swedish "welfare" too. Posted by: FL Mom at January 9, 2006 09:49 AMFor your information, Mr. Green ;) There used to be an IKEA in downtown Warsaw, except that they shut it down when they put up a second one in the 'burbs. PS. Congrats on bein' Daddy Green. Posted by: Mustrum at January 9, 2006 10:18 AMOk, maybe I'm just not getting it. It seems to me that Drissner is simply writing about a strange cultural phenomenon where a furniture store is becoming as well known for it's cafeterias as it's futons, and where a bunch of cheapskate Germans are abusing Ikea's free services. How that smacks of socialism run amok and longing for the good old days under the S.S. eludes me. Posted by: Duane at January 9, 2006 12:46 PMWhat Duane said. I read this last week, and I didn't see it as an attack (on IKEA, or even on the people eating there because it's cheap) of any sort. Posted by: Sigivald at January 9, 2006 01:08 PMIf this doesn't sum up the attitude behind the whole story, I don't know what does: Many low-earners prefer eating in the familiar atmosphere of this temple to consumption to standing in line at the soup kitchen. Indeed, the stigma of poverty is hidden behind the company's cheep and cheerful designs.Apparently they'd rather keep the poor... poor and proud and in those soup lines. And how DARE they CONSUME! Posted by: eLarson at January 9, 2006 02:31 PM I shop at Ikea with some regularity but have never actually eaten there. The amusing thing is the idea that it is some sort of store for the rich. While the stuff is very cool looking, most of the furniture is dirt cheap and essentially disposable. Posted by: James Joyner at January 9, 2006 03:00 PMIt started as a comment but now it's degenerated to a full fledged fisking of my own. Posted by: Duane at January 9, 2006 04:09 PMDuane: Exactly. The article seemed fairly innocous to me, reporting on the success of the Ikea cafe. Which is interesting because it just started out as a place for people to have a cup of coffee while shopping, but has now become successful in its own right. Posted by: edgr at January 9, 2006 08:09 PMder untermenschen are not properly poor being! They failing to line up at correct government facilties to debases themselves further are! Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 9, 2006 08:51 PMI agree with Duane. I don't quite get why Vodkapundit has to be so mean to the author of the article. I think there is a more important lesson from the article: the fact that German welfare socialism has normalized the ethic of freeloading in broader society. I talk about this more on my blog... Posted by: corbusier at January 9, 2006 10:40 PMThe worst thing in Germany today is Swedish furniture stores with low-cost diners ... that's what Der Spiegel's Gerald Drissner would have you think. Huh? Where does the author even imply that? ... neo-Nazis ... 'Arbeit Macht Frei' ... concentration camps ... voting for Hitler ... National Socialist ... untermenschen ... What the ...? This article deserves a Godwin Award for gratuitously dragging Adolf to the mall. Or does the point the article laboriously tries to make somehow relate to IKEA's founder's Swedish neo-Nazi past? Nah. I think this fisking could have been economically replaced by a single line: Germany. Nazis! Need I say more? Posted by: Kai at January 10, 2006 08:38 AMNot mentioned is that IKEA furniture is cheap particle board laminated with cheap plastic melamine and it's utter crap. Posted by: E-HO at January 10, 2006 09:11 AMIs it just me or does it seem that lots of Germans are longing for the good old days? Posted by: Improbulus Maximus at January 10, 2006 11:17 AM....yeah, but it's stylish cheap particle board laminated with cheap plastic melamine. Posted by: rosignol at January 10, 2006 11:45 AMI go to the local Nordstroms to eat at their cafe. It's not inexpensive like Ikea, but it's the best value proposition in the area. I don't buy anything else there. Does this put me in the anti socialist camp, or the free loader camp? Posted by: Peter vE at January 10, 2006 03:22 PMSorry, friend, but before you criticise, check your facts. IKEA was in downtown Warsaw for years. It has now established stores in other areas in and around Warsaw. Posted by: polcham at January 10, 2006 10:00 PMThis post is a fake fisking, right? No. Surely not. You really are that infantile? Posted by: Alex at January 11, 2006 10:32 AMTHE HELPFUL PEOPLE at IKEA (this is gonna sound like a commercial for IKEA, no - I don't work for them!) IKEA arrived at College Park, Maryland. They were already nearby in Dale City, VA and Baltimore, so now we have 3! I don't need a single piece of furniture, but I'm in there every week. (Like Lileks in Target.) Breakfast is fantastic 7 days a week, and costs .99c, eggs and turkey sausage, nice coffee. If you spend $10 in the cafe, they'll issue you a $10 coupon towards shopping. I buy all my bedding (100% cotton sheets, down comforters) and kitchen goods (nice silverware) there, and they have a complete ELECTRICAL department. So don't think of it as just a "furniture" store. Posted by: adele at January 11, 2006 11:13 AMRepresenting the German corporations, we also have three ALDI groceries within a few miles. They do little advertising, so many people have never noticed them; but they have rock-bottom pricing also. Posted by: adele at January 11, 2006 11:31 AM |
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