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Guilty Pleasures
Posted by Stephen Green  ·  13 April 2005

I was folding laundry. Melissa was watching TV. I heard bits and pieces of this week's "CSI: Miami," and got so interested I sat down and watched the end of it.

Short version.

The IRS screws up a decimal or three, and tries to screw a guy out of 33 million dollars in taxes he never owed. (Of course, you know how Tax Court works. You have to pay what they claim you owe until you prove you don't have to. They'll forfeit any taxes and penalties you unjustly paid, but the IRS never gets penalized.) So when they guy can't make his monthly vig, the IRS starts seizing his stuff, and puts him out of business. Then, in a made-for-TV confrontation, the guy's two young sons shoot and kill the IRS agent. There was something about an even more-evil IRS agent, but I didn't catch all of it.

In the end, our hero CSI chief humiliates the IRS and sets everything right. Except, of course, for the nice kids who never meant to become killers. Lesson learned: Rapacious government is bad.

But how often do we see a government agent as the bad guy? An IRS screw-up is one example, but there are countless others that would make for good TV drama. How about a man who loses everything to asset forfeiture, even though he never committed (or was even charged with) a crime? Distraught, he kills somebody. Or what about a nice couple who put everything into some nice beach propery, then go broke when the EPA declares their property a wetland? Distraught, they, uh, kill somebody. I'm sure you can think of your own examples – it's not that difficult. For inspiration, you can always read the news.

And that reminds me of "Ghostbusters." No, really.

When that movie came out 20-plus years ago, the secondary bad guy was a cruel and vainglorious EPA agent. Since the heroes hadn't filled out the necessary permits in triplicate, the EPA guy shut down the ghost "containment field" and set Hell loose on New York City. What are the odds that today we'd see a character like him?

The "CSI: Miami" show was nicely timed to nearly coincide with Tax Day. We're all a little angry about all that money we paid, and CSI let us vent some of that frustration. But you know that, come April 16, we and TV will go back to business as usual. Our frustration spent, we'll go back to being sheep. To keep us out of the slaughterhouse the other 51 weeks of the year, we could use a little more drama.

So, c'mon, TV networks – give it to us.

Comments

I do remember an analysis of Ghostbusters as being the ultimate movie expression of the Reagan era. In addition to the EPA guy, you've got the academics forced to leave the collegiate womb and put their "skills" on the free market.

Posted by: Eric at April 13, 2005 10:54 AM

"It's true, your honor. This man has no dick."

Posted by: Sigivald at April 13, 2005 11:32 AM

I know of something along those lines that happened while I was working in Cambridge, Massachusetts and getting thrown out of the MIT Bar. It seems a family's house burned down so they started re-building. The family was split up while the re-building was in progress as the mobile home they owned wasn't big enough for the whole famil. They got to the final stages of construction and need one more permit (Massachusetts permits people nearly to death) when the EPA said they could not move in because some grading had been done during reconstruction that somehow interfered with a small pond on the property that was classified a "Wetland". All their money had been spent on rebuilding so they didn't have enough to challange the EPA. The family had to live split up for another year and a half until the EPA finally relented. True story.

Posted by: Deacon Blues at April 13, 2005 11:39 AM

Yes, I could think of a good one. A monkey is elected to stay in office for another four years. A very distraught woman gets highly depressed and kills someone.

Lucky for me I just decided to drink the next four years away. :)

Posted by: Angie at April 13, 2005 12:04 PM

Angie, you are a

No, probably not an appropriate post. Still, Angie, fill in the blank with whatever nasty thoughts you have about Pat Robertson. That should do it!

Posted by: Horse at April 13, 2005 12:11 PM

Hey Angie. Don't stop on our account!

Posted by: NukemHill at April 13, 2005 12:34 PM

No, rather than rogue agents of regulatory agencies, it's always rogue agents of the law enforcement, military or intelligence portion of the executive.

What would Hollywood do without spies 'off the reservation', crazed military officials or corrupt cops? I think we would just have sitcoms and reality TV...

Posted by: Klug at April 13, 2005 12:36 PM

How about the evil businessman? Is there one movie or tv show showing a businessman as a good guy, trying to make a better product or service, only to get shut down by a government agency, or taxed out of existence, or unjustly sued into bankruptcy?

Posted by: RobertJ at April 13, 2005 12:53 PM

Not to turn this into a discussion of TV-so-bad-it's-good, but "Walker: Texas Ranger" would have been out of business if they didn't have the 'evil businessman', especially if he wasn't allowed at least six karate-kicking goons.

Posted by: Klug at April 13, 2005 01:15 PM

Actually, in Tax court, you don't have to pay first. In district court (i.e. the lowest level federal court) you do have to pay first as well as in the Court of Claims. But, that quibble aside, yes, government isn't made out to be the bad guy near enough. One they should have focused on that would have been just as good would be the drug forfeiture laws. Say your no good child or a friend, is dealing from property attached to yours . . . eeeyup. Thems some good government dislikes right there.

Posted by: Supercyber at April 13, 2005 01:15 PM

Since I confessed to my SO that I do sometimes watch CSI:
The even-more-evil IRS agent was the one who'd messed up the decimal point... and snooped around in the now dead IRS agent's office and shredded the payment check.
Because the dead IRS agent was collecting more money in owed taxes than she was.
And if I didn't have a cousin who worked for a while in an IRS office...

Posted by: Nony Mouse at April 13, 2005 01:19 PM

"Is there one movie or tv show showing a businessman as a good guy"?

Yes--his name is Bruce Wayne, proud scion of Gotham City.

Beyond that, the list thins awfully fast. A few years ago, a group called the Small Business Survival Committee actually released their top ten list of pro-business Hollywood movies. It's actually a pretty interesting line-up.

Posted by: Ed Driscoll at April 13, 2005 01:25 PM

"How about the evil businessman? Is there one movie or tv show showing a businessman as a good guy, trying to make a better product or service, only to get shut down by a government agency, or taxed out of existence, or unjustly sued into bankruptcy?"

I thought Tucker was pretty good.

Posted by: Ken at April 13, 2005 01:29 PM

If you want government agents as bad guys and ordinary citizens in the "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore" role, read UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES by John Ross. You can see lots of malicious, small-minded, criminal government types get what's comin' to them.

Posted by: Mark at April 13, 2005 01:37 PM

This week's "Veronica Mars" had a plot where bomb threats were being called into the school (one kid framed another for a long-standing grudge). An undercover ATF agent ended up adding to the frame on the one kid (by putting fertilizer and a rifle into the trunk of his car before arresting him in a big public raid).

Posted by: cirby at April 13, 2005 01:41 PM

So how many times did David Caruso pointlessly whip off his sunglasses in a dramatic demosntration of, umm, something?

Posted by: Garrett at April 13, 2005 02:40 PM

How about an entire agency instead of just a few bad aples in said agency? The BATFU (yes, the U is more appropriate than the E) routinely does things that mkae the IRSS (again, a more appropriate acronym) seem like well intentioned folks. 10 years in jail because a piece of steel is a quarter inch too short? $500,000 worth of inventory confiscated because you put down the wrong date on a copy of a form? Said inventory not returned years after charges were dismissed? Then there's the isolated but not rare enough incidents where an agent decided to take out some retirbution on the spot; one example has a kitten being stomped to death by a female BATFU agent. Another has a home wrecked with property scattered on the floor & unsecured when the property owners return home.

But I know the networks could never show what the BATFU has been known to do - it'd violate the FCC's decency standards.

Posted by: Publicola at April 13, 2005 02:41 PM

How about a tradesman who does $10,000 worth of work on a house, and then doesn't get paid. When he goes to collect from the deadbeat, he's told that the house is on an Indian (I'm sorry, First Nations Peoples) Reservation, and there's noting he can do. The deadbeat is correct, and the tradesman is unable to get a mechanics lien or anything similar. Out of frustration and rage, he shows up at the house with a pistol. He doesn't shoot the deadbeat, but runs dowm the road brandishing the gun, and is eventually shot and killed by the cops...

Naaaah, could never happen.

Posted by: holdfast at April 13, 2005 03:30 PM

I don't resent the money paid nearly as much as I do the countless hours I have to spend in the course of a year, documenting everything, in order to minimize my exposure. Supposedly, slavery has been prohibited by amendment, but you'd never know it by how I spend my days.

Posted by: Will Allen at April 13, 2005 05:09 PM

Actually in FAMILY court you get to prove your innocence, but then that's only *one more* page out of 1984.

Here in the People's Paradise of NV we try to assess 120% annual interest penalty on innocent citizens. Click the link.

Posted by: NV Dad at April 13, 2005 05:54 PM

There has been a storyline in the past several episodes of The Shield with abuse of asset forfeiture. There was an old man who grew a small amount of marijuana for medical purposes. He was scheduled to testify for the defense in a murder trial. The DA office wanted to discredit him, so they had him arrested for possession. Then they seized his house just for the hell of it. Asset forfeiture is a big theme this season.

Posted by: Xavier at April 13, 2005 06:09 PM

For businessmen portrayed positively, try Gilmore Girls. Luke owns a diner, Lorelei owns an inn; they're both portrayed as good people and good business owners.

Posted by: Kai Jones at April 13, 2005 06:48 PM

But how often do we see a government agent as the bad guy?

Um, how about every movie ever made in this country? Sure, the hero might be a government-employed Cop (Agent/Spy/Building Inspector) On The Edge With Nothing To Lose who thinks of nothing but justice, but his boss is always the ultimate bad guy.

Posted by: Mark at April 13, 2005 09:34 PM

I don't know, how about a story where a business executive who took her company public decides to cooperate with the SEC and answer a bunch of nosy questions about a non-business stock transaction.

Then, the government decides to prosecute her for irregularities about the stock transaction, can't prove it -- but sticks her in jail anyway for misstatements made while not under subpoena or under oath. And, to boot, bans her from being an executive at her company.

I don't think you have to go very far to find real stories of the government's abuse of power.

Also, stay tuned for next week's episode where the SEC complains that nobody talks to them without a subpoena anymore.

Posted by: cthulhu at April 13, 2005 10:04 PM

cthulhu, I am still shocked that there exists an attorney worthy of being hired by a billionaire, who did not respond with, "Not if I am going to remain your legal counsel", when asked by said billionaire whether she should answer questions posed by the SEC.

If a government agent ever knocks on my door with some queries, I'll kindly ask them to get back to me after the Grand Jury has issued a subpeona, and the prosecutor has granted immunity. It may entail some pain, but compared to the bear trap of engaging with agents of the state, it is tolerable.

Posted by: Will Allen at April 14, 2005 01:27 AM

Actually, if memory serves, she was not advised of her rights to an attorney. I think the SEC agent implied to her that she had to answer the questions immediately or she would be arrested. I could be mistaken about it, but she was railroaded pretty damn hard.

Posted by: Nathan T. Freeman at April 14, 2005 03:26 AM

Why don't producers feature IRS agents as villains? Because they don't want to get audited and forfeited.

Posted by: John at April 14, 2005 08:09 AM

Will Allen -- ah, but the flip side is that several recent SEC actions have consisted of showing an iron fist ("We could have put these guys away for 20 years...") and then the velvet glove ("...but due to the level of cooperation extended to us, including providing records and testimony without subpoena or notice...").

So, essentially the game plan is to make all the rules so insanely complicated that everyone is technically a felon, rely on prosecutorial discretion for "justice", and clobber anyone who might stand up for anachronisms like constitutional rights.

Spend a bit of time reading through the litigation section of the SEC's website. Along with the usual frauds and scammers (about 80%), there are quite a number of interesting cases.

Posted by: cthulhu at April 14, 2005 09:02 AM

Stephen, that CSI episode reminds me of the case of the highly effective IRS collection agent in Cheyenne--who also happened to beat the hell out of his son and daughter. The kids waited for him to park the car in the garage one evening after work, where the 16-year-old son shotgunned him to death. The son and daughter, Richard and Deborah Jahnke, both served time for voluntary manslaughter but are now free. Because their father was such a mean (some said "deserving") son of a bitch, it was one of Wyoming's most controversial trials. Remember?

Posted by: Ron in Casper at April 14, 2005 02:13 PM

Ken,

********************************

"How about the evil businessman? Is there one movie or tv show showing a businessman as a good guy, trying to make a better product or service, only to get shut down by a government agency, or taxed out of existence, or unjustly sued into bankruptcy?"

I thought Tucker was pretty good.

********************************

Ah, but he was a MAVERICK businessman. And his foes were eeeeevil businessmen, right?

Posted by: UML Guy at April 14, 2005 09:42 PM

I can't believe it - no one has brought up the FBI agents in Die Hard. They were both stupid and vicious. And the terrorists were counting on them to be both.

Posted by: Joe Bonforte at April 16, 2005 10:27 AM



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