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The Official Nelson Muntz "HA-Ha!" Gloating List
Posted by Will Collier  ·   3 November 2004

Feel free to make your own additions. To get the full effect, download this sound, and play it back it after reading each name:

Michael Moore (you lose again, lardass)
Terry McAuliffe (three elections, three losses; nice work)
George Soros ("I gave $27 million, and all I got was… nothing!")
Harold Ickies ("Damn, now I have to carry Hillary's purse again.")
Dan Rather ("I believe Kerry winning Ohio is still accurate")
Markos Moulitsas (0-for-12. Carville you ain't)
The New York Times ("Nobody we know voted for him! You're fired, Brooks!")
The Guardian ("Bloody 'ell!")
Letter writers from The Guardian
Kofi Annan
Mohammed ElBaradei (Better start checking the UN want-ads)
Old Europe
Every Freakin' Idiot Rock Star On The "Vote For Change Tour" (Shut up and sing. Better yet, just shut up)
Everybody quoted in this story (door, butt, way out, buh-bye)
Jimmy Carter (you and Kerry both lost for a reason, you sniveling fraud)
The BBC
José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero (nobody expected the Spanish capitulation)

Comments

You left out Zogby....

Posted by: steve at November 3, 2004 06:59 AM

Michael Moore (you lose again, lardass)

...all the way to the bank.

Posted by: David [.net] at November 3, 2004 07:01 AM

Wasn't there a news report at some point last night about musicians tuning up to play at the victory rally for Kerry? My guess is they started setting up as the exit polls came back.

The mental image of a bunch of disappointed musicians crying in their beer about not getting their victory rally show will keep a smile on my face all day long.

Posted by: Kimberly at November 3, 2004 07:06 AM

There were only 135,000 provisional ballots cast in Ohio:

http://election.sos.state.oh.us/ProvBallots.htm

Posted by: Super Fly at November 3, 2004 07:09 AM

My tiny contribution to the gloating here.

Posted by: Ken Summers at November 3, 2004 07:10 AM

Letter Writers from the Guardian ("You're welcome Bush")

Posted by: Nick at November 3, 2004 07:12 AM

KERRY LOST! Come on, say it with me: KERRY LOST, KERRY LOST! Now doesn't that feel great.

Posted by: SCO at November 3, 2004 07:14 AM

Somewhere in California, Wil Wheaton is sobbing...

Posted by: BillB from Squidly.com at November 3, 2004 07:20 AM

No gloating from me. I'm happy for the country, and happy that the right man won. Your list is composed of losers and watching their reactions over the next few weeks will be tonic enough for me.

I'm disappointed by the MSM which lacked the guts to finally call the election last night. Even when Fox and NBC called Ohio, they kept hedging their bets. Russert kept showing his little chalkboard without the 20 EV's.

100,000 vote difference in Ohio? That's 200 *times* the margin in Florida in 2000. It's over.

-S

Posted by: Stephen Kohls at November 3, 2004 07:24 AM

John Kerry ("I concede. Wait, no I don't...")
John Edwards (Go back to winning millions on your good looks and bad science)
Al Franken (See George run. Run, George, run. John will run with George. See John race with George. Do you see them race? George wins the race. Good George! Poor John. -- Is THAT clear enough for you, moron?)
Rosie O'Donnell (Don't worry, you can still b**** about the gay marriage thing)
Janeanne Garafalo (Figured out how insignificant you are yet?)

Posted by: bbeck at November 3, 2004 07:29 AM

Osama Bin Laden (we're prepared to scour the earth for you, M***F**R)
Iraqi Insurgents (we're sticking around)

Posted by: Freeman at November 3, 2004 07:33 AM

Yasser Arafat
Ted Rall
Patti LaBelle, who was going to cry and cry and cry.

Posted by: Laurence Simon at November 3, 2004 07:35 AM

Losers:

Mainstream media. Their impotence can no longer be disguised.

Michael Moore. Fat'n'hype 9/11 will go down as one of the biggest jokes in movie history.

The Democratic Party. Ouch. Just ouch. They got pounded across the board and losing Daschle was a huge psychological blow. They can get excited about Obama in about a decade but look around now and they have got nothing left.

John Edwards. The new political definition of flash in the pan. Career over.

Voter fraud. Not a single significant story about it anywhere.

Winner:

The United States. We have the first majority President in 16 years in an election that isn't (and shouldn't be) contested. The world's efforts to infulence our election fell as flat as Osama's October Surprise. That's good for everyone.

Posted by: Mike M at November 3, 2004 07:35 AM

Don't forget the Saudis and Hamas.

Posted by: E. Nough at November 3, 2004 07:36 AM

f**k you right-wing america, take that bible of yours and shove it up your ass.

-the rest of the world

P.S. the church and the state where separated 200 years ago, now it's all back together in your country, just like say.... the taliban?

Posted by: Paul at November 3, 2004 07:45 AM

From the frightening thought department....sometime this afternoon Hillary will start thinking about the 2008 Presidential race.

Posted by: Chris at November 3, 2004 07:48 AM

Hey Paul, maybe you missed it, but athiests and agnostics (like me) voted for Bush. There is no sudden religious leadership in the US, just in your fevered imaginations. Hope you don't live in a terrorist-supporting country, or you'll be hearing from us soon!

Posted by: John Irving at November 3, 2004 07:48 AM

I agree, along with McAwful, Zogby's political career is over.

Biggest winner...Dewey! He is back in the headlines.

Posted by: Eric in Milwaukee at November 3, 2004 07:51 AM

Can you imagine the phone conversation between Al-Zarkawhi (Sp?) and say, Syria?

Al-Z: Yes, this is, ah, Alli Zee, I would like to get a Visa to visit your fine country.

Syrian Embassy: Who did you say this was?

AZ: Oh yes, I almost forgot, (consults code card cleverly disguised as a cardboard toilet paper roll) ah, 'Stay out a da Bushes'.

SE: One moment please. (tappity-tap-tap-tap) I'm sorry sir, you've been placed on our do-not-call-list as of 0500 Greenwich time today.

AZ: How can that be?

SE: Sorry sir, perhaps you could try the Iranians. Good luck, and please don't call here again. Buh-Bye.

Posted by: CDR Will at November 3, 2004 07:56 AM

I waited and waited, listened and watched, by late there was no winner. I went to bed with visions of red. And woke to another day of dread.
The democrats may steal
like they tried before
The republicans stand alone.
So when sKerry says he is a winner
reach back and throw that dog a bone

Posted by: eyerocker at November 3, 2004 07:58 AM

Don't forget Bob Schrum. I don't think he's headed a winning campaign yet.

Posted by: RandMan at November 3, 2004 08:00 AM

Paul, when I start wearing a Burka to my Catholic church, perhaps your comment will make one iota of sense. My own parish was pretty divided.

Really, the Dems have no one to blame but themselves. They picked an AWFUL candidate, and basically made deals with the devil as far as message.

Posted by: Carin at November 3, 2004 08:04 AM

everybody who disagree with you is a terrorist john? then you'll have to bomb half of your own country...

PS: less CNN an Fox news is good for your brain...

Posted by: paul at November 3, 2004 08:06 AM

Clark county, Ohio - the target of the Guardian's letter-writing campaign - went for Bush.

Posted by: bb at November 3, 2004 08:07 AM

Steve who? Let me get this straight, am I supposed to feel sad or ashamed of myself if Steve Crawford leaves the US?
What? Was he like a vaccine inventor or something?

efc

Posted by: energyforcapital at November 3, 2004 08:11 AM

Let's start a fund. All the whiners who are saying they want to leave the country can apply for a grant if they leave and renounce their citizenship.

I'd love to donate to that.

Posted by: daven at November 3, 2004 08:22 AM

Paul: Remember, the razor goes DOWN the wrist and not ACROSS. Don't bend your wrist back, because that puts the tendons in front of the arteries.

Single-edged razors are better, too.

Just a helpful suggestion, dude.

Posted by: DaveP. at November 3, 2004 08:28 AM

Paul, May the Lord Jesus Christ and his mother Mary show mercy on you mother f**king sorry ass.

Amen

Posted by: Jim R at November 3, 2004 08:30 AM

To: The rest of the world
From: Right-wing America

Bend over, here comes a bible up yo azz. Or would you prefer a Tomahawk missile?

Kudos to Paul for giving me the idea. I'm not a believer, myself, but I do think that Hell is other people, and you are living proof.

P.S. Brush your teeth.

Posted by: Rob at November 3, 2004 08:51 AM

The Dixie B*****s
Richard Dreyfus
Ted Kennedy
Old, tired, morally bankrupt Europe
Joe Lockhart
Begala
Carville
Mary Beth Cahill
Mrs. Loser Kerry
Mrs. Loser Edwards
Matt Damon
Tom Daschle
BBC
Juan Williams
John Stewart
Chris Matthews
Katie Couric
Matt Lauer

oh, and while it still feels so good - hahahahahahahahaha, oh hahahahahahahaha, gasp, hahahahahaha, snort, hahahahahahaha

Posted by: daven at November 3, 2004 08:52 AM

Oh, I forgot an important loser:

The Vietnam War. The debacle that launched liberalism to the heights of power in this country should be buried for good.

The circle closes with the defeat of the left's ultimate war/anti-war hero candidate. Iraq will not become another Vietnam. There will be no draft. Vietnam will no longer be significant issue in American politics. Let it finally rest in peace.

Posted by: Mike M at November 3, 2004 08:54 AM

Wow, Paul, you are seriously literacy-challenged aren't you? Even Americans who voted for Kerry weren't supporting terrorists (well, except for Michigan Fats). You might not even be, I figure its a good chance you're not a terrorist supporter (although the fact that you lumped Saddam-supporting CNN with fairly right-wing Fox shows a serious lack of judgement. . . who do you recommend, Al Jazeera?). But if the country you live in is one of those providing funding and support to terrorists, might be time to move. Hell, move to the US, become a citizen, enjoy the most powerful economy in the world, and get to vote for who you'd like to be President. No downside!

Posted by: John Irving at November 3, 2004 08:55 AM

All the Elites who are "going to leave the country" .... pack your bags

Posted by: Dan Hughes at November 3, 2004 08:59 AM

Paul,

Kerry campaigned many times from the Christian pulpits so by your account he should have won but instead, he LOST by a huge majority of American voters who hold a mulitutude of non-religious and religious beliefs.

By the way, Kerry campaigning from the religious pulpit is clearly in direct violation of separation of church and state.

Have no fear your AmeriKKK Kerry lost both the electorial vote AND the popular vote.


Posted by: syn at November 3, 2004 08:59 AM

The pollsters and their f--king 5% margins of error.

Paraphrasing Alec Baldwin: "You can't predict this race you can't predict $h!t. You ARE $h!t! Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cuz YOU'RE GOING OUT!!!"

Posted by: D at November 3, 2004 09:11 AM

Whoopi Goldberg and Billy Crystal

Posted by: Laurence Simon at November 3, 2004 09:15 AM

SCO: "KERRY LOST! Come on, say it with me: KERRY LOST, KERRY LOST! Now doesn't that feel great."

I tried it, and it does feel great!

But this feels even better: "BUSH WON!"

For years this guy has resolutely defended his country (and in effect mine too - thank you America from OZ!) against terrorists and mad dictators, while continuously suffering every unfair attack possible. And he's remained a gentlemen. He's such a deserving winner.

Apart from that: Swift Boat Veterans and POWs for Truth: rest easy at long, long last.

Posted by: David Blue at November 3, 2004 09:19 AM

Bubba and Skerry - poster boys for the boomer-straddling generation.

Their 2 faces.

I'm a tail-end boomer and am glad to see the back of them.

Posted by: Sandy P at November 3, 2004 09:20 AM

Thank God there's no reason for Eminem to believe he influenced a national election

Posted by: NDesai at November 3, 2004 09:34 AM

In regards to the National Post article about celebrities vowing to leave the country: Great idea!
Since Europe is depopulating due to low birthrates, I think a whole lot more lefties besides the rich ones can move there, because they'll have a serious higher-end labor shortage in Europe soon enough.

Hey! Maybe I'll move there too! I can then periodically needle my fellow expatriates in the local language!

Posted by: Roderick Reilly at November 3, 2004 10:40 AM

Adios, M***** F******!

Posted by: Mikey at November 3, 2004 10:46 AM

P.S. That last post is me waving good-bye to the planes leaving the airport, never to return.

Posted by: Mikey at November 3, 2004 10:47 AM

P. Diddy? Or is the new slogan now "Recount or Die?"

Posted by: Norman at November 3, 2004 10:59 AM

We don't need no stinkin' pledges!

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at November 3, 2004 11:39 AM

Jimmy Breslin: http://www.newsday.com/news/local/newyork/columnists/nyc-breslin1101,0,7396742.column

Posted by: Laurence Simon at November 3, 2004 12:35 PM

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Can't get this goofy grin off my face when I think of all those libbies packing their bags & going abroad.

Good riddance.


http://cube 47.blogspot.com/

Posted by: cube at November 3, 2004 01:37 PM

My older brother
The National Association of Letter Carriers
Not to mention the rest of the AFL-CIO

Dear Cameron Diaz, rape is still illegal

Joe Lockhart, Mike McCurry, Tad Devine, and all the other slimy, ferret faced, liberal commentators on t.v.

Will Alan Colmes show up to work tonight?

Posted by: Eric at November 3, 2004 02:09 PM

Too bad also for the:

ABC / NBC / CBS Evening Views

CNN World Views

The New York Times / Los Angelos Times Viewspapers

Posted by: Yumper at November 3, 2004 02:37 PM

All you nice people know the liberal goo buckets aren't going to pack anything and leave their comfy freedoms of America. They, like Kerry's campaign, have criticzm but never a plan.

Posted by: Joe at November 3, 2004 02:40 PM

Hopefully we will still have a comfy America after another four years of Bush. Start a Prayin!

Posted by: Joe's Daughter at November 3, 2004 04:19 PM

Joe's Daughter: If by "a comfy America" you mean a dependant of the United Nations, instead of a soverign nation that takes its own risks and knows what the moral right is...

Nope, won't have one of them. Nice that you'll be praying, though...

Posted by: DaveP. at November 3, 2004 08:07 PM

sorry to burst your bubble righties but if you think your country's future is looking bright, think again; yes the USA has grown into an economic and cultural empire but as with any empire, it's on it's decline, just like the roman empire. If you study history you'll notice how the downfall of the romans match your present economical and political state (of course with modern communication an tech, it'a happening a lot faster to you) but remember, the USA represents 8% of the world's population but it's consuming 25% of it's resources there's an end to those resources in sight and China is the sleeping monster... better learn chineese soon and don't think you'll be able to restrain China and India once they wake up, (you can barely keep Bagdad safe... ask those kidnapped and beheaded poor fellas), do you think your unionized army will do much against 1,000,000,000 angry chineese?

Posted by: Paul at November 3, 2004 09:21 PM

...does anyone else here want to mock Paul? I've had my turn, and frankly it's too easy...

Posted by: DaveP. at November 3, 2004 09:50 PM

Hmmmmm……Moral right? Is that the same moral right that makes it hard to travel outside this country and say “I’m proud to be American?” I am a republican but believe Bush is a loaded gun. Anybody that disagrees with him is his enemy. Making more enemies than allies will not help the future of this country and that is exactly what Bush is doing. Who will be next on his list North Korea or China?

Posted by: Joe's Daughter at November 3, 2004 10:27 PM

I'm registered Independent, which is code for "it's hard enough to choose between 2 bad candidates...I don't want to choose from 12 during the primaries".

I amazes me that there are people in this country who actually believe Bush has been good for the country. Let's list his accomplishments:
1) Alienate our potential allies, so much so that many refuse to openly support, and some openly oppose the US.
2) Begin two armed conflicts, which he has most inconveniently forgotten to end. Exit strategy, anyone?
3) Sent jobs overseas.
4) Watched the deficit spiral out of control.
5) Watched healthcare costs soar.

Was Kerry the best man for the job? Probably not. Was he better for the country than another four years of Bush? In my opinion, yes.

Oh, and by the way, to make it a little easier for DaveP., whom I suspect will take whatever pot shots he can until he resorts to petty name calling, I would have voted for Clinton (Bill OR Hillary) in a heartbeat if that had been an option.

Posted by: Clinton, Anyone? at November 3, 2004 11:08 PM

The one most important reason for a Bush win is the 'message' the American sent to the free world and the terrorist world.

Imagine the message that we would have sent if Kerry had won after Osama's message to the free world.
The free world and Osama would have assumed his message affected the election in largest and most powerful Nation in the free world.

Posted by: Jim R at November 4, 2004 04:20 AM

you're right jim, the osama tape probably made a lot of people vote for bush (although i'm shure he wanted to have the opposite effect), anybody who's told to do someting by their ennemy or by a neighbor (guardian letters) will immediately do the opposite for shure (even if it defies logic).

I read a lot of people here who say they're proud to be american, they should nuke this or that country, they're gonna shove it down the throat of anyone who disagree with them... etc etc..., but why is it that every time those same people travel abroad (if they even dare to travel the world in something else than a tank), they're always putting a canadian flag on their backpack?

Posted by: paul at November 4, 2004 07:14 AM

Y'know, the 'Canadian flag on their backpack' issue is exactly why I didn't vote for Bush. The world is a scary and dangerous place if you're an American. There really aren't that many places in the world where Americans are welcomed with open arms anymore. Having a loose cannon who thumbs his nose at our allies for a leader is not going to fix that. In fact, I believe that Bush's arrogance is making it easier for our enemies to further villify our country in the eyes of the rest of the world.

Regardless of the outcome of the election, I don't think anyone in the world can deny that the terrorists DID affect it. Many of the voters made their decision based on Bush's handling of world affairs. They either voted FOR Bush because the believe he's the right man to flush out the terrorists, or AGAINST him because they think he's bungling the whole affair.

What message did we send? How do you know bin Laden wanted Kerry elected? Maybe he wanted us to do exactly what we did -- re-elect Bush. Remember, part of that message was that his goal was to bankrupt the US, which Bush seems all too willing to accommodate.

Posted by: Clinton, Anyone? at November 4, 2004 08:33 AM

Back on track.

I would like to gloat, however briefly over:

1. The denizens at Daily Kos and Democratic Underground (try and tell us this was a stolen election, please).

2. Chirac, Schroeder, Arafat, Annan, (You sincerely want to work together, now? Good to know. Thank you. Now take your olive branches and shove them up your collective *sses)

Posted by: Nomad at November 4, 2004 11:45 AM

Paul et al,
The world was never safe for Americans or Canadiens. Hell, it has never been safe for anyone who wasn't ready to shoot the next pirate or bushwhacker that tried to kill him and take his stuff.

Barbary pirates ring a bell? That has been the norm during the entire history of the human race.

Get your head out of your ass, read a history book printed more that 50 years ago and quit your freaking whining.

...buncha ignorant whining f*cks...

Posted by: Mike S at November 6, 2004 05:16 PM

Give me a break! No facts just name calling by every single one of you. No wonder you support Bush!

Posted by: Joe's Daughter at November 8, 2004 07:13 PM



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