Vodkapundit - And Now For Something Completely Different

And Now For Something Completely Different

Posted by Will Collier · 17 August 2004

Exceptionally weird dreams the last two nights. A sampling; make of it what you will:

Picture a long wooden table on top of a vast, wind-swept plateau, not unlike the one in the movie of "The Two Towers." Seated around the table are the members of Aerosmith, dressed in heavy, ornate robes and furs. At one head of the table is Moe Syzlak from The Simpsons, but Moe isn't a cartoon; he looks a lot like one of the lizard guards from "Den" in "Heavy Metal." Moe's voice-over says, "And now for another edition of, Ask Aerosmith!"

Moe asks a philosophical question (I can't remember it exactly) of Brad Whitford, who's wearing a dark blue fur-trimmed robe. There's a large, nasty-looking knife embedded in the back of Whitford's high-backed chair, just to the left of his head. Whitford does not answer to Moe's satisfaction. Moe picks up an identical thick-bladed knife and hurls it at Whitford with an epithet. It thunks into his chest, and Whitford flips backwards out of his chair and off the edge of the plateau, falling hundreds of feet to the valley floor below. Then Moe turns to Steven Tyler, seated at the far end of the table.

And I wake up.

I am not an Aerosmith fan. Go figure.

Then there's last night. I'm watching a documentary about a country-bluegrass-mariachi-tinged trio (possibly related to my seeing BR549 and ZZ Top a few hours earlier, in waking life). They're not bad, either. Not great, but not "ugh, let's go somewhere else" bad. Mildly entertaining, in a kitchy way. After listening to them play for a bit, the story focuses in on one of the members, a stout, balding Mexican guy who plays some kind of funky accordion. We see him cleaning up a large, dingy, industrial-looking bathroom. Perhaps this is his day job?

But then we see him applying vast amounts of a gooey soap to some kind of dispenser on the wall, meticulously cleaning it out with a dirty rag. His face is twisted in painful concentration. Then we see him standing on a sink, reaching up into an overhead air vent. He begins to pull out wiring, metal ducts, plastic parts, vast amounts of old hardware strapped together in a large, precarious column.

Eventually, we realize that he is an obsessive-compulsive, driven to take apart and clean these fixtures madly. His hands are slashed to ribbons by his efforts, the blood mingling with water and thick liquid soap as he scrubs parts in a filthy sink.

Then the dog had a dream, too, and his whimpering woke me up.

Comments

I suggest less in the way of hallucinogens.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: zombyboy at August 17, 2004 10:18 AM

Den? i was a Heavy Metal reader in the late 70s, early 80s and i never thought i'd hear that reference again.

i bow to you

Posted by: albo at August 17, 2004 10:27 AM

Upon watching reruns of "Dallas", a friend suggested the following quote as the perfect response to surreal statments such as those you've just made:

"Have another drink, Sue Ellen."

--J.R.

Posted by: Mandrake Ethos at August 17, 2004 10:51 AM

Zounds, these are way better than any dreams I have ever had. You should get a few million bucks, and do them as videos for MTV. Or maybe drink much more and take more hallucinogens.

Posted by: John Cunningham at August 17, 2004 12:22 PM

BR549?!?! Whats next? A shout out to Calexico?

Moe Syslak...oh Moe...my favorite Simpson's character...well wait, he is tied with Krusty actually but it is always good to see Moe getting props...

Posted by: Clay at August 17, 2004 01:21 PM

Oh, I have that dream all the time.

Posted by: Spoons at August 17, 2004 02:19 PM

Here's the deal with the first dream: It doesn't have anything to do with Aerosmith. They're a stand-in for the West Wing cast, representing liberals, and Brad Whitford represents Bradley Whitford. The dream is about the working class (represented by Moe)putting the rhetorical screws to the liberal elite, and cutting the lefties down when it becomes clear they cannot provide proper responses to working class issues. You woke up because the idea of Steven Tyler standing in for John Kerry was too much for your mind to take.

Posted by: denise at August 17, 2004 02:30 PM

Two Towers... Liv Tyler... Steven Tyler.
Should be dreaming about Liv and you end up with Steven. Talk about a nightmare, eeeegh.

Posted by: chris at August 17, 2004 03:05 PM

If you are not an Aerosmith fan, how do you know that it was them in the robes? Maybe it was REO Speedwagon in which case you were probably in Hell.

Posted by: WD at August 17, 2004 03:09 PM

The accordion player was Flaco "better living through chemistry" Jimenez, I suspect.

Posted by: snake at August 17, 2004 08:34 PM

I had a dream I was a giant suirrel. I didn't do shit, just sat around. God it was boring. It was a relief to wake up.

Posted by: Amos at August 18, 2004 12:08 AM

Had a weird dream myself yesterday. (I work nights, so I have to sleep days) Anyhoo, a civil war had broken out in the US. Me and some friends were somewhere that looked like south-central Mississippi. We had raided a gun store as a false-flag operation to make it look like the left had done it. Then we reported to our militia unit's supply officer, Vin Diesel. Then I was sent to shoot this mutant ocelot thing that the liberals were using as a guard animal. Very strange. Odd thing was that most of this made no sense in the dream itself. Normally, dream logic would see nothing wrong with Vin Diesel as a conservative militia unit's S-4, even in Mississippi.

Posted by: Cybrludite at August 18, 2004 02:55 AM