Vodkapundit - Excuses

Excuses

Posted by Stephen Green · 17 December 2003

Light blogging today, with a 50% chance of afternoon procrastination.

But I have a good excuse. Really.

My plan today is to light a cigar (outside in the winter snow. Well, OK, what's left of the snow. And what's left isn't all that pretty anymore, since the bits the dog hasn't yellowed, he's plowed over and back under and over again like a suped-up John Deere plow tractor farm thingy. Anyway.)

I'm going to start that sentence over again, because it got hijacked by a mad band of fundamentalist parantheticals, then slammed into the office tower of introspective blather.

My plan today is to light a cigar out in the back yard, and smoke it slowly on the swing bench while I scratch my dog on his head. But if he rolls over on his back -- as he's wont to do in the snow -- I'll be feeling too calm and self-satisfied to bend my Cuban-seeded stinky self over to rub his belly.

Why such bliss, you ask? Why, I'm done with my Christmas shopping. As of December 16, 11:01pm Mountain Standard Time, I am done. I have no shopping left to do. I am sans shopping. Shopping free. I am well and truly and completely without shopping. Yes, we have no shopping today.

Or tomorrow or the next day, right on through New Years. Hell, even the freezer is full of steaks, and there are plenty of Cokes in the fridge -- I won't even have to drag my butt out to the grocery store.

There are family-type gifts for the family-type persons. Manly-type gifts for the brothers-in-law. All sorts of gifts for Melissa. (Shopping for my bride is deceptively simple: just get her one of everything, two if it's shoes or earrings.) And except for a couple of things which haven't arrived yet, everything is even wrapped.

So if I'm feeling a little self-indulgent today, well -- indulge me.

NOTE: I have a stupid question. The slight gag above about pairs of shoes and earrings got me wondering about pants. Pants come in pairs. Fine, I understand that. But the pant part is called a pants-leg, not a pant. So where the hell is the pant, of which two make a pair?

ANOTHER NOTE: If you want to really know why I'm not blogging much, just read the first note. I really ought not be allowed anywhere near a keyboard today.

Comments

Stephen, you didn't have to get me anything!

Oh. (heh)

Posted by: David at December 16, 2003 11:59 PM

Stephen, for a reference to why they're called "a pair of pants," see this Straight Dope column. Cecil Adams knows everything.

Posted by: Erbo at December 17, 2003 01:19 AM

TO: Stephen Green
RE: Bliss R US

"Why such bliss, you ask? Why, I'm done with my Christmas shopping." -- Stephen Green

Congrats!

I can appreciate the feeling. However, in a different venue.

My bliss comes from having finished decorating the house. I'd never done an exterior before. About 30 strings of minis over 14 bushes and 9 more sets of chasers (set to random) on a big flowering hawthorne at the corner.

I sat down in the sun room, which overlooks the front, from the side, with a three fingers of brandy in a largish snifter and enjoyed the show for a couple of hours with an assortment of all my Christmas music playing over the SLIMP3-B&O system. Very mellow....

The shopping, by and large, is accomplished. Just one or two more people to cover.

Merry Christmas,

Chuck(le)
P.S. Any way I can load a pdf photo into a comment?

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at December 17, 2003 03:35 AM

How 'bout this bliss... I do geographical proximity shopping; if I can physically be there to give you a gift, I go all out! If I'm too far away, I'll get back to you when I'm closer... I'm military, so I spend a lot of time overseas (12 of the last 15 years); frequently I don't have to buy a thing and nobody gets upset because I give such good stuff when I'm there in person!

Posted by: Cletus at December 17, 2003 05:33 AM

Enjoy. We need some time for our sides to stop hurting after laughing at the Democrats and media for the last 4 days.

I plan on seeing Return of the King today. Tomorrow I'll look for the article in the NY Times saying that the release of the blockbuster movie was politically timed to make Bush look good and deflect attention from the Halliburton scandal.

Jim McDermott will release a statement denouncing the movie since its themes of conflict obviously desensitize the public to Bush's warmongering and bloodlust. Howard Dean has said that the biggest problem facing the Middle Earth is illegal arms sales from Mordor to Iran, and that the ent's viscious and unprovoked attack on Saruman has not increased the national security of Rohan.

John F. Kerry was seen stroking his Vietnam war record and gently whispering "my prrrreciousssss..."

Posted by: Mike M at December 17, 2003 07:25 AM

I always say "pant-leg" not "pants-leg".

Posted by: Bill S. at December 17, 2003 08:00 AM

And why is it only one brassiere?

Posted by: triticale at December 17, 2003 08:51 AM

Just what delectable Piloto Cubana seed generator of blissful smoke is to be burned, if I might ask?

Cigar-crazed readers everywhere await your reply, sir.

Oh, and *cheers!*

Jim
Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at December 17, 2003 09:16 AM

Stockings were worn individually; you put on a pair of "stockings". Eventually, these became "pantaloons"--from the waist down instead of the upper thigh. A "pair of stockings" became a "pair of pantaloons". A "pair of pantaloons" became a "pair of pants" or "trousers".

Posted by: CERDIP at December 17, 2003 09:42 AM

No no no, you've got it all wrong. Take a look at Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, or [insert favorite hottie here] in well-tailored slacks or jeans and you'll better understand the origin of "Pants". It is plural because a single pant sounds more like a sigh, and the whole idea of panting requires at least two anyway. Once we're saying "pants" well then we can't very well use singular modifiers now can we?

Damien

Posted by: Damien at December 17, 2003 10:58 AM

And let's not even get into pantaloons.

Posted by: Joe Baby at December 17, 2003 11:06 AM

hmm......

I think that I have found new items to add on your Wish List.
How bout some pantaloons, and one of the Seinfeld Puffy Shirts?

Posted by: ed at December 17, 2003 11:25 AM

At least you got your shopping done before Mercury Retrograde got into full swing. That would have really messed you up.

Posted by: Django at December 17, 2003 03:36 PM

And then there's "a scissors" and "a pair of scissors." The latter is more commonly used, but I've heard (and read) both.

Of course, a "pair of scissors" implies the existence of a "scissor."

But now we're deep into the bowels of linguistics, which, in this case, could be especially painful.

Posted by: Charles at December 17, 2003 08:05 PM