Link courtesy Juan Gato.

CNN reports on the new threat warning system in development by Homeland Security Übermensch Tom Ridge.

The system we've all become accustomed to these last six months has five stages, in order of increasing risk:

5) Situation Normal: Planes could fly into buildings at any moment and without warning.
4) Slightly Elevated Risk: We know this guy who talked to someone who heard about some bad people.
3) Elevated Risk: Those guys from 4? They had a map.
2) Serious Risk: Also, one of them had an accent.
1) Go On And Panic: We have no clue what just happened, but stuff is blowing up.

As you can see, the current system is in need of some work. Under the new rules being looked at by Ridge:

1) Threat warnings will only be issued when they might: A) Make John Ashcroft look good, or B) Keep Tom Ridge from looking bad.

The second part was originally written to read "Make Tom Ridge look good," until his staff remembered that is just not going to happen.

Also, the new system promises color codes and pretty pictures.